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Asking questions paves the way to wellbeing for us and our kids

"Don't be so hard on yourself." "It's OK. You're only human. Forgive yourself." As parents, we hear these reassurances from others. Sometimes, as kids grow and notice things, parents hear these...

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How do you see your child? And…then what happens?

“He’s incorrigible!” says the woman, at her wit’s end. “She gives me a hard time about everything!” says another woman. “We fight from the time she gets up in the morning to the moment she goes to...

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Tough love, an oxymoron?

Resilience. We all want our children to have it. But it doesn't come with birth. It doesn't come with harsh talk or hard times or sucking it up or stuffing it all down. It doesn't get downloaded or...

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Undivide your attention

UNdivide your attention. I know, I know, we're brilliant multi-taskers, capable of dodging unproductivity with a single leap over many tall tasks and not dropping a single ball along the way. Almost...

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Why the Urge to Scream is a Window of Opportunity (and how to open it)

“GET UP! GET UP! GET UP! NOW! NOW! NOW!” “MOVE! NOW! IMMEDIATELY!” “WHAT’S WRONG? GET UP!” “WE HAVE TO GO!” We scream when we’re in danger. We scream when we notice our child could be in danger. We...

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Resilience is cultivating a tender heart in a tough world

Resilience refers to the ability to recover from adversity with hope, self-compassion and opportunity for growth. If everyone had more resilience, we'd have less depression and anxiety, less self-harm,...

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The architecture of parenting

Think of yourself as an architect. A parent architect. You are building a foundation. You are creating scaffolding. You are open to renovation. You make repairs to the structure. You make additions....

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Seen, Soothed, Secure, Safe = Self-regulation

I am speaking to a room of five hundred people recently and ask this question: "How many of you struggle with self-regulation?" I re-phrase it. "How many of you struggle with emotional self-control,...

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Embrace sadness as a gateway to joy.

Sadness is often misunderstood. Sometimes, we expect sadness to be like a tidal wave, so we try to divert and avoid it. Sometimes, we fear sadness will quash happiness, so we try to cajole it....

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Intuitive Parenting in an Age of Over-advice

If you're a parent, you may, at one time or another, believed in the existence of a Universal Playbook. You know, the one that has all the answers to all your parenting doubts, worries, fears,...

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A nation of thriving babies? Paid parental leave, for starters.

A baby! Congratulations! You must be looking forward to resting, spending these first weeks and months bonding and being there as you all settle in to being a new family. And how wonderful that you...

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Survival of the Nurtured

Once in a while, we need a phrase to get right to the heart of the problem. Something that grabs our attention, makes us stop and take stock. A catch-all phrase that acts as a container clarion call...

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